Articles on Weddings | Topics: weddings, wedding
by Paul Jenkins
The Dreaded Wedding Question – Who Pays for What?
In North America, the question of who pays for what when it comes to a wedding is not as easy as it may seem. Many cultures throughout time have incorporated very simple means of wedding off the daughter. Some areas in Africa still use the method of transferring livestock to the bride's parents as a means of payment. That is all the payment needed. This practice is not acceptable in our time and this country, so it always seems to be a topic of serious debate.
Somewhere back in time, the tradition of the bride's parents covering the cost of the wedding has taken shape and in many religious cultures still remains to this day. It was the role of the groom's parents to cover the cost of the rehearsal and the following rehearsal dinner. In today's society, many brides and grooms elect to cover the cost of their wedding themselves, making them independent. This shows a willingness to start life on the right track, by accepting responsibility for themselves as a couple. This is a very noble decision, however can be a very costly one indeed. Knowing exactly how expensive a wedding these days can cost, sometimes it is nice to have a little help to see it through. It would not be harmful if the bride or the groom's parents offer a little help in the financial department.
| Historical Quote |
In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism. Each is familiar with that ancient child in the other who may erupt again.... We are not ridiculous to ourselves. We are ageless. That is the luxury of the wedding ring.
| —Enid Bagnold (1889–1981) |
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In having the parent's help, a little bit will go a long way in the feelings department too, mostly for the parents. They are excited too and wish all the best for the both of you. It is not likely that they want to dictate what goes on in the wedding or the planning. It is that they have some experience in this matter and are most probably more financially secure than the new couple, however this may not be the case. The parents wanting to help finance a portion of the wedding gives them a sense of belonging and need, which is very important to parents. They have been waiting for this moment for some time, you can be sure of that. If the parents insist on helping and you think you may offend them if you turn down the offer, give them small roles to fill.
The parents could perhaps pay for the reception, or the cost of the ceremony. Both sets of parents could easily be involved with one set covering say the flowers, and the other set covering perhaps the wedding photos. You can be sure that they may want to see a particular theme or item incorporated into the wedding that you did not plan on or perhaps just have no interest in, just remember they are equally excited and excitement brings many ideas to the forefront. Once you have children of your own long after the special day has passed, you too will understand this and perhaps where they were coming from. If you do not feel right about having either set of parents pay for a particular portion of the wedding, or the entire deal then speak to them. You may even feel more comfortable taking a loan from them, as surely it would be interest free unlike the banks.
If you were to obtain a lone from the bank, provided your credit is fair enough to do so, then for the next several years, you will be paying for that loan with most probably a very high interest rate. This in turn is not the way to start a new life together, riddled with debt, just because you wanted to be together in matrimony. Another option is for the parents to offer help, and use it as a wedding present. In doing this it offers the newly wed couple a fighting chance to stay ahead of the finances game from the get go. This would be a wonderful gift to receive from your parents and there would not be a matter of guilt involved, unless of course they had to break the bank in doing so. Any way you slice it money must be spent to have this glorious day; it is going to be hefty amounts of money spent why not get a little help.
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