Self Confidence and Parenting

Articles on Parenting | Topics: parenting, parent, parents

by Ildiko Ingram

Self Confidence and Parenting

When you only had to worry about yourself and perhaps a significant other in your home life, confidence was a very personal matter, relying only on how you felt about how you were doing in your life. With the birth of child, this changes as another life becomes entirely dependent on you. Parenting provides tremendous highs and lows, with your self-confidence constantly in flux as you reflect on how successful you might be at helping your child reach her potential.

Suddenly becoming a parent can feel lonely, especially if you're staying home from work to care for the child. Building a support structure is vital to a positive parenting experience. When family and friends lend their support, you will feel less overwhelmed and be able to get any concerns off your chest before they start to burden you. Take a break and get a baby-sitter once in a while, as you'll feel more confident when you feel refreshed.

Advice for parents is everywhere, from books to websites to your own family. Perhaps your community or hospital even holds classes for expectant parents. Becoming informed about the possibilities and your choices is essential to gaining confidence. This is another place where a good support structure can come in handy.

However, once you feel confident in your decisions about child-rearing, it's

important to maintain this confidence in the face of the conflicting advice you're sure to receive. It may be hard to tell your mother to mind her own business, but ultimately, you're the one in charge of your children. It might be in your best interest to simply listen to all of the advice you're given without arguing and then do what you were going to do in the first place. Starting an argument will only leave everyone feeling low. Now if the advice becomes too intrusive, then you will need to have a talk with the offending party. Feeling like you're constantly on edge and need to defend yourself won't help your overall confidence.

Kids crave structure and boundaries, and parents require self-confidence to create this structure. Kids will certainly say that they want to stay up late and eat pizza every night, but confident parents will know that they need to make the decisions about what is best for their kids.

аBit of History

The Golden Rule of Parenting is: Do unto your children as you wish your parents had done unto you!

—Louise Hart (20th century)

When it comes to parenting, even if you're feeling less than confident, the best thing you can do is to fake it. Don't let your children see your doubts and fears.

That's not to say that you should be emotionless in front of your children when it comes to important events and feelings. But if you're not sure if macaroni and cheese was the best choice for tonight's dinner, don't let your kids smell your indecision because they can turn on you in an instant, and the next thing you know, you'll be hitting the McDonald's drive-thru.

A bit of an exaggeration, perhaps, but the point is that kids can sense indecision and a lack of confidence. On the one hand, it makes them nervous because adults are supposed to be in charge and know what's going on at all times. On the other hands, many kids will also see it as a situation ripe for exploitation.

Sometimes the two feelings combine, so that a child will act out because he's feeling insecure. It's easier to hit your little brother than to think about the implications of mommy lacking confidence.

It can be easy to feel down on yourself and lose confidence in your parenting when something happens to your child. Maybe she wouldn't have gotten a cold if you had bundled her up more carefully before going outside. Maybe he wouldn't have broken his wrist if you never bought him a skateboard. You can't let yourself be paralyzed by the fear brought on by these maybes. Be confident that you're doing the best you can, learn from your mistakes and don't become so overprotective that your child isn't given room to grow

As much as parenting can bring on doubts and struggles that tear at your confidence in your ability to take care of another human being, it can also bring a newfound confidence as you revel in the growth and success of your child. From supporting your baby's first steps to dropping him off at college, a confident parent is a happy parent.

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Please note: All personal opinions expressed in the "Self Confidence and Parenting" article belong to the contributing author and are not necessarily shared by FamilyBabyKids.com.

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