His, Hers and Ours – How to Integrate both of your Stuff after Marriage

Articles on Marriage | Topics: marriage, marry

by Albert Carlson

The excitement of the wedding day has passed. You are back from your honeymoon in your new residence and you sigh heavily. What are you going to do with everything both of you own along with all the gifts you just received? Chances are your home is not big enough to accommodate everything and neither one of you wants to part with your belongings. You watch as he places his favorite recliner in that certain spot that he loves in the living room and you start to speak and before the words come out, he gives you the look. Is there a way to blend both of your belongings without launching a war? Deciding on what to keep and what to let go of can require finesse and patience and probably a bit of persuasion.

An option that many couples find helps is creating a room in the house that is "ours." Where you both go out together and pick out furnishings and décor that you both like and can enjoy together. If you both have artwork or wall décor you like and neither of you truly wants to get rid of it or place it in storage consider using the walls of your home to sport the different styles. One wall can be for the décor he loves and another wall can be used for yours. It is a relatively simple process to make it work in the home. If there are items that neither you nor your husband know exactly what to do with and yet you do not want to part with them consider renting storage and have them placed there until you are ready for them.

It is very typical for the woman to cling to family heirlooms and family pictures. The men usually bring with them their favorite chair, artwork, and objects they have accumulated from their travels. If you both have furniture from your families, this can be very difficult to part with. This is where it is important to compromise. You may not like his furniture but the option of reupholstering the furniture is an option and you both can pick out the new fabric.

Laughter will go along way as the two of you decide what will stay and what will go. Becoming serious and demanding will only delay the task of blending your belongings and it will become one that both of you dread. If you do, you will end up in a house with furnishing you do not want. Your home is your special place that you will come back to and relax after a long hard day at work. You do not want it filled with stress because the two of you could not compromise on what should stay or go.

Quote of the Day

We are not very much to blame for our bad marriages. We live amid hallucinations; and this especial trap is laid to trip our feet with, and all are tripped up first and last. But the mighty Mother who had been so sly with us, as if she felt that she owed us some indemnity, insinuates into the Pandora-box of marriage some deep and serious benefits, and some great joys.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882)

Compromise is necessary to reach harmony. You may not like his recliner (that may be older than dirt) but can you live with it for several months and then both agree it is time to buy a new one and donate his to charity? He may not like your fancy chairs but you could agree to do the same. The belongings that both of you bring to your new home are important to both of you no matter what the reasons are. You do not have to understand why he likes something that you find atrocious. He does not have to understand your reasoning. Although, you do have to agree to disagree and that is where harmony begins.

Deciding what you are going to keep or discard is actually best done before the marriage. You can each take the time to inventory the belongings and decide what you both want to keep and what you do not. This is the time you can compromise and decide what you will need to purchase to furnish the house or whether it is best to rent a storage unit. A simple matter such as the type of colors you want in your new home is best communicated before the marriage. If you both own homes, are you going to keep them both or sell one? If you are going to sell, which one is going to sell their home? These questions are very important and you both need to remember to respect each other's dreams and desires. When you do this and you are both willing to compromise on what stays and what goes you will have home that you both enjoy walking into at the end of a long day of working.

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Please note: All personal opinions expressed in the "His, Hers and Ours – How to Integrate both of your Stuff after Marriage" article belong to the contributing author and are not necessarily shared by FamilyBabyKids.com.

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