Articles on Kids | Topics: kids, kid
by Devorah Weber
Having positive, realistic expectations of oneself is an attitude that begins to form in infant-hood. There will be times when you feel a child in your life might be too big for his or her britches, but - to an extent - narcissism is a survival instinct in young humans. Really, it's found in most humans going through transitional periods in life.
What we need to do is help preserve that positive thinking about oneself and make it more realistic. To do that, children need to be encouraged, praised and held accountable in appropriate ways.
The spanking Debate
To spank, not to spank. That is a huge question for many of today's parents. People usually head into their first pregnancy with expectations for themselves. Again, being in a transitional period, expectant parents can be a bit narcissistic too. They may have unrealistic expectations regarding the behavior of their child, and be unable to handle problems when they come along.
Spanking teaches a child that someone else will hurt them if they fail. There may be exceptions to this rule, but that does not encourage them to take risks, or feel supported when they don't succeed.
Bribery
Surprisingly, rewards can be just as damaging. When children are taught to put forth effort for a star, a grade, or a toy, they disconnect the process with personal growth and pride in themselves.
You may hear a child who is used to earning rewards say, when asked to do something, "What do I get for doing it?" Is this the attitude we want to teach to our children? That their value depends on what they earn? No. We want them to value themselves for their abilities and hard work.
Your Kids
Listening is the number one way to show your child that you care. That goes a long way in helping them care about themselves. Listen through the jokes and the stories, and you'll pick up a lot of important tips along the way. You also set the stage for shared listening, when they pay attention to your stories about your own childhood. This technique can be used for encouragement and to help your child solve problems.
| Historical Quote |
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
| —Phyllis Diller (20th century) |
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Parents often judge how well they are doing by the number of activities their children are involved in, their grades, or their number of awards. It's time we realized one has nothing to do with the other. Our job is raising children into healthy adults who aren't afraid to improve themselves. Yes, children need encouragement to try new things and praise when they put for the effort, but we need to encourage them to try things they are interested in and take the focus off how much they can accomplish.
The Kids in Our Lives
It's much easier to parent your own child than someone else's. Every child - even those from wonderful homes - need healthy outside role models. You can help children outside your family build self-confidence by setting an example. Try new things and encourage others to do the same. Ask them what they are interested in. Reinforce the possibilities life holds, and how easy it is to make big things happen one step at a time.
If you are optimistic about life, you'll inspire optimism and action in others.
Stay Positive about Other Parents
One of the biggest mistakes adults make is cutting down parents in front of children. Not just their own parent either. Whenever you complain about this mom or this dad, it makes a child wonder if you ever talk about their family that way. If you're speaking in front of your own child, it might make them afraid that other people criticize you ... and them.
Display healthy attitudes about yourself by not tearing into someone else. The damage you do to the child in your life is much greater than the relief you get from venting about a fellow adult.
Kids need help seeing themselves in positive and realistic ways. The easiest ways to do that are by providing an open ear, and being a self-confident adult. It's not always easy, but you do see a return on your investment.
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Please note: All personal opinions expressed in the "Self-Confident Kids" article belong to the contributing author and are not necessarily shared by FamilyBabyKids.com. |
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