Articles on Kids | Topics: kids, kid
by Freddy J. Zamora
So you have gotten your positive pregnancy test and you ready to share the news. But all of a sudden you are getting resistance on the home front. Your kids are less than happy with the news – what can you do?
A major part is to make sure that they understand the process. The term "pregnancy" can be a vague and unsettling prospect if they do not understand what it is about. While you do not have to go to Biology 101 to teach it to them, do explain it to them in terms that they can understand. A younger child might be satisfied with the explanation that "there is a baby growing in mommy's tummy", while an older child might be more interested in the different stages of growth. Find age-appropriate books on pregnancy and baby development and read them together. Take them to see friends who are further along in pregnancy or who have new babies. Have them attend a sibling class if your hospital offers it. When appropriate, have them go along on doctor visits so that they can better understand the process.
It is also important to maintain communication with your child. Encourage them to talk their feelings out instead of having a tantrum. While it is okay for them to be upset about the new arrival, you do not want them acting it out in inappropriate ways. Are they worried that they are going to be replaced? Do they need more mommy and me (or daddy and me) time? Are they feeling left out of the preparations? Are they scared of the changes going on? Make sure that you address any concerns that they have now to reduce the risk of a major meltdown after the baby arrives. Talking with your child frequently can also help them feel more a part of the situation.
You will also want to avoid any big changes in routine immediately before your due date. If the older child will be changing beds or rooms try and do it early on so that the new baby is not "stealing" it from them. Complete potty training before the baby comes, if possible. Try to keep your day to day items on a routine so that your child knows what to expect – bed time at the same time every evening, lunch at the same time every day, etc. Also, let your child in on any changes that will happen after the baby is born. Explain to them how new babies can be a lot of work and how that will affect things going on around the house.
| Bit of History |
I think what everybody calls a miracle is just common sense.... You can look at the attitudes when people come in. That’s why they call it a miracle. These are black kids and they’re not supposed to know the things they know and achieve the way they are achieving.
| —Marva Nettles Collins (b. 1936) |
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Keep everything about the pregnancy on a positive note – and keep older kids involved. After all, it should be "our" baby, not "my" baby. Have them come to doctor's appointments to see the ultrasound or listen to the heartbeat. Let them have a say when picking out items for the nursery, or let them buy a toy or an outfit that is just from them. Have them make a list of baby names or help you pack your hospital bag. Talk about ways they can help once the baby arrives – maybe they can be the official diaper stocker or help rub lotion on the baby. Explain to them what a big role it is to be a big brother or sister. Talk about things they already know that they can teach the new baby. Have them visit you in the hospital soon after the birth so that they can feel a part of the big event.
Lastly, it is important that your older children know that they are special and important too! Just because there will be a new addition in the house does not mean that they are any less important. Get out the old baby books and photo albums and talk about how excited you were when he or she was a baby. Share stories of when you were pregnant or their first year. See if you can arrange a mommy and me or daddy and me day when it is just one of you with the older child while someone else watches the baby.
Keeping up the communication is the key when dealing with older children and your new pregnancy. Keep everyone talking – and listening – and everyone will be happier for it.
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Please note: All personal opinions expressed in the "Five Ways to Keep your Kids Happy about your Pregnancy" article belong to the contributing author and are not necessarily shared by FamilyBabyKids.com. |
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