Articles on Family | Topics: family, families, familial
by Dita Estrada
Finding peace in a blended family is one of the most difficult processes within the remarriage process. As the marriage process occurs, the people involved expect it to last for an eternity. However, lots of things can happen in a marriage that might cause it to disintegrate. Over the course of time, people's feelings might change. People may feel that they were simply happier before the marriage and that they would be much happier if they decided to live apart. This can even happen if people have children together.
No matter what the circumstances, the decision to end a marriage is never an easy one. Eventually, after the split, people begin to heal their hearts, and they may even find someone new they have fallen in love with. They find people to share their lives with, and a brand new family is created. This means a new spouse, but also a new stepparent for the children involved in the situation. Children might be a bit upset or frightened when this occurs, and an adjustment period, with some bumps in between, is quite normal for everyone involved. Achieving harmony between everyone involved is never easy in this new situation, especially among the children.
It is hard to imagine how a child must feel. They have a new adult who they are now expected to respect and honor in the same manner they once did in the original situation. There can be lots of confusion. Even simple problems like what to call the new parent involved might throw the child into an emotional spin. Conflicts like having to obey the stepparent and follow all of the rules in the household can be a real problem for the kids involved in the situation. The important thing to remember in this situation is that kids are truly worried about the situation. The idea that they are acting out just to ruin your new relationship is just inaccurate. Kids are acting out because they have some real concerns about the situation, and working with your kids on those concerns is one of the most important keys to achieving harmony in the situation.
| Historical Quote |
When a family is free of abuse and oppression, it can be the place where we share our deepest secrets and stand the most exposed, a place where we learn to feel distinct without being “better,” and sacrifice for others without losing ourselves.
| —Letty Cottin Pogrebin (20th century) |
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If there are serious problems with the kids and the new stepparents in the situation after you have given it time to settle down, there are some other things you should consider. Sit down with the child and try to figure out what about the situation they don't like. Is it the new stepparent? Is it a jealousy situation? Is your child simply upset that someone new consumes your attention? Ask your child if there is something about the situation they don't like. For example, if one of the new step-siblings is always watching television when your child is watching television, maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe the new stepparent takes extra long showers when your child needs to get in the bathroom. Figuring out exactly what the problem is can help to create harmony within the situation. Having a family meeting is a good way to work through these kinds of problems. Perhaps the solution will be as simple as working out a television schedule or getting the new stepparent to take showers after the child goes to bed. If there is something much more serious here, though, it is important to see a family counselor or therapist. That may be the only way to make an eventual bit of peace in the situation.
Given time, the situation will actual calm down. Once the child gets used to the situation, the house will achieve eventual harmony. It may seem as if things will never reach the point where they are "okay," but working through each situation with a bit of patience and a lot of communication will help the families to blend a bit easier. In fact, you may find eventually that your child comes to depend on the new stepparent for all sorts of things. It is important to communicate with your child. It is essential that your child understand that even if they don't always get along with the new step family, they must work at it. Moreover, you must let them know that just because they no longer live with both parents doesn't mean that they no longer love both parents. Working through the step family situation with a bit of communication will make your life much easier.
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Please note: All personal opinions expressed in the "Open Communication The Key to Making Blended Families Work" article belong to the contributing author and are not necessarily shared by FamilyBabyKids.com. |
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